Lorelei asks: ”Why is my life such a struggle? Why do I go into the darkness and shut down? Is it past life or something that I have done?”
GOD: Lorelei, you struggle to find that longed-for elusive place to bring you out of the darkness. Yet you cannot see that your struggling IS your darkness. Does the willow awake one day and noticing the oak tree, begin to cast judgment on itself for not being an oak? Does it struggle to lift its gently weeping branches to be like the oak? Of course not!
It does not focus on the place of “I am not – I have not!” it completely accepts that its life IS to weep. It judges not while it calmly drifts its leaves over the lake and drapes itself over the ground. When we try and we struggle, we are saying questioning the path we are given as not good enough. Where did you learn that life is meant to be a struggle? Where did you learn that life = pain? And why do you judge and resist the place where you find yourself right now?
I see a place in another time, where you are surrounded by a wall. Within, it is bleak with nowhere to rest or hide – nowhere for you to find comfort or escape. You are here because you found your soul mate in a married man who was a powerful political warrior. Through the ages the Goddess has paid the price of man’s transgressions. So you paid dearly. Another Goddess, his wife, betrayed you as an adulteress into the hands of those who wished to destroy you for the healing powers that you were given. Throughout the day people would throw stones down at you and as you became weaker it was harder to avoid them. It hurt to move, it hurt not to move. Your greatest wound was that he broke his promise to come for you, to free you on a night where feasting and celebration would take the villagers’ focus elsewhere.
You waited with feelings of hope and love in spite of the bruising in your body and soul. But as morning dawned you felt heartbroken, for he never came for you. Life had no meaning for you then, your heart felt as heavy as the stones they threw at you and after many days of hopelessness you chose to leave that life. You still carry this karma of hardships, persecution and deep betrayal. He appeared to choose his wife over you – and now you now see loss and betrayal everywhere.
You must now stop sending out messengers who gather evidence of betrayal, for this is finished. What I will tell you now will ease your suffering in this life. The truth is that you were NOT betrayed or forgotten. The night he promised to rescue you he was killed by a power-hungry peer who coveted his position. He planned to come for you and yours was the last name on his lips – a prayer that your death came soon and without suffering. You were loved and not forgotten. Release this sharp piece of glass that you carry in your heart. You know that every time your heart tried to fly it felt pierced by something nameless and ancient that you’ve never understood. But now you do, you know the truth, so be still. Your lessons shape and mould you, please stop struggling against them.
Your depression comes from your frustration in yourself. You could not accept that you were called to learn about pain and betrayal in order to walk the path of The Wounded Healer. Feel gratitude and joy for the sad times that have deepened your heart and soul. Your insane mind seeks to protect you from true intimacy in the belief that love betrays you. You put up a wall against life and then you struggle to break through it. Your lost male beloved is carried within you. You must summon this warrior now as he will show you strength. You now hold the only rocks that are being thrown, for you throw these persecutions at yourself.
If you perceive your life to be a struggle now, then we are asking you to take another look at your life – not a second look but a different look. What extraordinary abilities do you carry? Forgive yourself for making mistakes. Remove the mask of disguise you wear to cloak your greatness in fear that your past life will be repeated. It is repeated only in your fearful mind, thus I ask you to change your mind and so you will receive peace and clarity.
You have these feelings but you are none of them. You are God. You were never lost nor left, but on your healing path. Healers are tried and tested through dark nights of the soul until they break through illusion and find their gift for the world. It would seem at times that the lights have gone out in your life, but this is because this is the gift that must be found in the dark.
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